Monday, October 03, 2005


Mom's Kmart Dating Experience

After my parents got divorced, my mom started dating. She eventually moved on to and other online sources, but she started out with phone personal ads. She basically had a voicemail system that guys would leave messages on and then she would respond if she liked the message. She often let my sister and I hear the messages over speaker phone so we could weed out the bad guys.

One guy left the best message ever. He had a super southern accent, which in itself isn’t bad, I mean I love me some southern boys, but it was the white trash southern. Unless you’re from the south, it sounds similar to a regular southern accent, but it isn’t. I believe his name was Rusty. He then proceeds to say how he has a gun collection and as a hobby said he likes going to Kmart.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, “This man could be my dream date” and that may be true. But my mom is, well, a pseudo-snob. She buys clothes from Talbots and wears sweaters knotted around her shoulders to tennis matches. She also wears velour sweat suits to QT to buy coffee in the morning, but that’s another story. She wanted my sister to go to Duke to marry a preppy boy. She bought 2 cats worth more than my entire shoe collection. One of the cats goes to cat shows. Yes, I said CAT SHOWS. As in she has a SHOW CAT. She does not show it herself, thank the Lord, but she lets him be shown. So this man was just so far off the chart for her that it was hilarious. I wonder if she still has that message.

good lord ryan, you have got to be the funniest person i know.
You don't know a lot of people then (wink). But thanks.
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