Thursday, June 30, 2005


Things that don't go together

1- Happy Birthday Jeff!

2- I just vacuumed up a toothbrush. I have to vacuum every few days because if I don't, small hair animals turn up in the corners of rooms, thanks to Layla.

3- I only have one more day of class.

4- I am avoiding studying by watching America's Next Top Model on VH1.

5- I have not showered in over 24 hours, which is a lot, if you know me. My hair is special and needs to be washed every 18 hours or so, otherwise it will take it's wrath out on small children. Thanks Dad!

6- I can often get more done in pajamas than I can in normal clothes. Except for shopping. I feel the need to abstain from wearing plaid pants to Food Lion. I don't know when that happened since it was perfectly acceptable to do so in college.

7- Maalox is still my friend, although for different reasons at the moment.

8- Adding honey to General Tso's chicken makes it even better.

9- My office looks like an 8th grader's backpack threw up. Papers, books and random objects are everywhere. It doesn't help that my ceiling fan needs to be on at all times or the heat from the 3 computers would melt my desk.

10- Toby Keith's new CD is good. And it's the only Toby CD that I've bought for myself. Which brings me to another long as you support the artist via other methods, you should be able to download their music for free.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


The price men pay for sex

Even if Viagra did cause blindness, I'd bet most guys would give up sight in order to screw someone. In fact, since Viagra is for old dudes, who have bad vision to start with, and whose wives, generally, are old and wrinkely, maybe it's a positive side effect.


Bruce fell into the GAP

I got this link from dy who got it from waxy, and it's so hilarious that I felt I needed to share it again. I wish I could use Photoshop better. I loved the Beyonce one, and the De Beers one, and DY's hummer was pretty good too. The Bose one was good too. The best ones are the ones that remain basically the same and just add the right tagline. Some people added a lot more stuff which seemed to mess up the cover. The Nirvana IPOD one was great. The Weezer supercuts was good too.

My album cover would have been The Beatles Help album with- REI and/or Gortex. Or Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA and GAP. Hey, I actually did it!

Bruce fell into the GAP Posted by Hello

Sunday, June 26, 2005


Mmm cherry flavored

Don't you hate it when there are things in your life that you can't control? I'm not talking about the weather or some guy liking you, although it'd be awesome to be able to make it be 72 and sunny and have Orlando Bloom following me around all the time. I'm talking about broader stuff. Take for example a job.
You've done everything in your power, worked hard, ended up close to the top of all the employees, made sales etc. and yet you can't do anything about whether or not you get a promotion. You literally can't do a damn thing about it. You just have to sit and wait. Which is the worst part. Let me know I've been fired, don't make we wait around for a week with my stomach in knots. Or tell me that I can afford rent this month along with car insurance. Throw me a bone people.
Anticipation has never been my friend. Maalox, on the other hand, is my current BFF (not the lemon-eww).

Friday, June 24, 2005


Oprah can suck it

What a freaking baby. So she wasn't allowed in Hermes. That's "one of the most humiliating moments of her life"? I wish my life was that good. Seriously, I've fallen in front of people, walked into a wall, drunk and dialed the guy I liked and told him so, left my fly down countless times, threw up all over a frat bathroom, almost got kicked out of a state park for drinking, kissed a gay guy and thought he was straight, had quad boob, and many, many other things much more embarrasing than not being able to buy a freaking thousand dollar purse.

I know she's a powerful Hollywood figure and I know she's worked her way to the top and I admire her for that, but please, tell me why everyone kisses Oprah's ass? Ellen's show is much better, as is Conan and Letterman and The Daily Show.

Oprah needs to grow up, realize it was a mess-up, build a bridge and get over it. If she holds a grudge, she's being more of a jackass than the sales person at Hermes.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Kiddie drinkin'

So this is why my brother has drinking problems; I knew that castle was no good. Damn you Legos for making J smoke cigarettes in middle school.

By the way, who the hell pays $70+ for old Legos? Although the monorail was sweet. J had it set up on the Lego table my dad built and it ran all around the Lego town. I guess we should have known he was having problems when none of his houses had the Lego flowers out front.

Did anyone else have Rocklords? They were the dumbest toy ever, but we loved them. I totally remember this guy. I mean, why would you want a Transformer, excuse me, Gobot whose alter ego, if you can call it that, was a rock? I mean the other guys got to be cars and planes and then other animals, but a damn rock? Seriously. My mom made us give some to a friend of ours once because we stayed with our cousins instead of going back to his house for a sleep over. So maybe the Austrians are wrong and that kids are druggies because they get their toys taken away and need drugs to cope with the loss of their Rocklords.

I love old school toys. Not the "new" ones that are coming back, but the really old ones. Like Sit n'Spin. My brother and I used to try and throw the other one off. It was awesome. Now it has lights and music. Wtf! Tear.

Saturday, June 18, 2005


Presents for golfers

I just saw this site, from cockeyed, and I love it. All my family members will probably be getting something from there, at least when I make some money.

These are my favorites. Each coozie explains at least one family memeber. Green = Joe and Paul, black = Jeff & Joe, red = paul and blue = UB and probably all the others too, including Curt.


We are family

This is my family. Well most of it. My mom is on the front, far left. My siblings are a pain to point out in this pic. We're all wearing Charlie Brown shirts (for those of you who are color blind, which 2 of my uncles are- showing that a) it is only passed to males and b) genetics work- 2/4 got it).
My uncle Paul- 2nd row, center- runs upstairs every year when he gets home from work on Christmas Eve and puts on his CB t-shirt. So we thought it'd be fun for everyone to get them on and surprise him when he walked it. We made them at our annual Outer Banks trip. Yes, we're dorks like that. But I love 'em.

Pop-pop is the guy grinning in the middle. He's the father of 8 (including my dad who's not in the pic). Peggy is next to him. She's our step-grandma, but we love her just as much.Posted by Hello

This is my cousin Ann, me, cousin Sara and Larry. The 3 girls are commonly referred to as "the big girls" since we're the 3 oldest girls. The next group of 3 are the little girls (although as of now 2 are 19 and the other's 17). The last girls are just, umm girls. And boys never really got grouped like we did. Posted by Hello

This is almost the top row. At Pop-pop's he has all 18 grand-kids' school pics on 2 shelves when you walk in the house. The first 8 are top-row. Me, Jeff, Bret (missing), Sara, Ann, Jill, Holly, and Stacey (missing) are top row. Scott just joined due to the birth of our newest cousin, Katie. He now has the privilege of being top row (#9). I know it's geeky, but that's how our family is. Which is why I love them to death. I even have a caller ID group for top row.Posted by Hello

I am fiercely protective of my family, which can be hard when there are a gazillion of them. The cool part is that everyone is pretty close. Christmas Eve never has less than 20 family members and random other people are always coming over too. It's crazy, and loving and I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Friday, June 17, 2005


Sloth and reading

I have done nothing for the last two days except read, sleep, watch TV and sleep some more. My class was switched from its usual Friday to Monday because my professor had tickets to the US Open. I only have 2 weeks of class left, which means I have a final coming up, which means I should have used these last 2 days to study. But, I didn't.

On another note, I don't really like books that are made up of letters. For some reason, I've never gotten into that. It always feels as if there are missing pieces. It's not like a good mystery where you keep reading even when you're died to figure out who done it, but it's like you didn't get a part of the background, a missing clue, something to hold the letters together.

I try to read some, especially ones that have gotten good reviews, to try and see if my tastes have changed over time. But so far I still don't care for them.

Reading tastes do change over time. And I don't just mean from Dr. Seuss to "grown-up" stuff. I never liked science fiction until I was in college. Now, Orson Scott Card is one of my favorite authors. I think the reason I like him so much is because his writing isn't all crazy weird sciencey. It's normal people, maybe with a special gift, or in space, or with aliens, but the way they think is similar to regular people. And it makes you think.

There are multiple kinds of books that I like. There are the easy reading, feel-good types, the fun, fast paced mystery/gangster novels, the histories and the ones that make you think. It's good to mix them up. I'm trying to read more than just law text because if I don't, I'll go nuts. Any good gems? Send 'em my way.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005


Pokey elbows

My favorite part:

"And they clearly have a lot in common... they've both turned blonde and have both shed a lot of weight, to the extent where they're now in danger of cutting people with their pokey elbows."



You have got to be kidding me. Apparently you are not. Good grief. Seriously, this world is nuts. My aunt, who lives in Raleigh, has a neighbor who had chickens. The rooster was all kinds of messed up in the head. His whole neck flopped to the side and he squawked all retarded-like. My white trash neighbors behind the creek, who have a kennel of dogs, also have chickens. I thought that was some sort of housing violation. Then again I live in a section of the state where my representative not only supports, but introduced John Deere day, so there ya go.


You got me on my knees

This is Layla:

She might look cute, but she's a pain in my butt. Posted by Hello

We've figured out that she's mostly golden retriever, with some Chow (based on the tongue) and I think there's some crazy mixed in too. She likes to rub her face on stuff. All the corners of the walls, the tables, the couch and anything else with a surface that sticks out, has had her face smushed against it at some point. She also likes to run into people and rub their hands. I don't know why she does it. She has dry skin, according to the vet, but I use special shampoo with oatmeal to prevent itching. She doesn't have fleas. I think she's just nuts.

She, like my other dogs, likes water as long as it's not clean. A pond filled with algae, check. A creek with mud, check. The bathtub, hell no. She has a sixth sense about it too. She comes upstairs all the time to wake me up in the morning, but she knows if I'm planning on giving her a bath and becomes possessed and runs around downstairs like an idiot. At least she only weighs 55 lbs instead of the 80 lbs my other dogs weigh. This means I can pick her up and stick her in the tub if I need to. Teak, my other golden, has a patented jelly maneuver where, if you try to pick her up, she goes all floppy on you and she sinks to the ground. As of yet, Layla has not figured that out.

Monday, June 13, 2005


Aunt's Flo is on her way

You know you're PMSing if you start crying when Uncle Jesse sings A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes when the family goes to Disney World. And then again when Danny asks Vicky to marry him. And then again during the commercials.

Speaking of commericals, that one where Darth Vadar goes, "Brendan, I am your...uncle" cracks me up everytime. Mad props to BK on that one.

Interesting side note, my grandma's name is Florence. So, while I techincally don't have a real aunt Flo, all of my mother's cousins do. And that's funny. In a creepy, uteran way. Plus, endometriosis runs in my family. Not sure exactly what one has to do with the other, but a uterus is involved.

Sunday, June 12, 2005


Side note

I was flipping channels tonight after the Wedding Cake competition on the Food Network and the marathon of America's Next Top Model 1st season, when I saw a report on Jennifer Wilbanks. Yea yea I'm sick of hearing about the runaway bride too, but...did you know that 1) her wedding cake cost more than $5000 and 2) the groom's cake was of Uga! That's the important part. I'll totally marry you Mr. Mason, for you were going to get a cake made of my favorite mascot/animal (other than my pets) on earth!

And it's pronounced Ugg-a. Not Ooo-ga.


Who's Ezra?

This weekend I saw Better than Ezra in concert. It's my 5th time seeing these guys and each show is as good as, if not better than, the last one. The lead singer is super hot and the other guy are adorable too. That always makes the show better. Then again, most guys are hot when holding a guitar or playing the drums. Keyboard doesn't do it quite so much. I mean Elton John can rock out the piano, but he's umm gay. And Billy Joel is the Piano Man, but he's umm puffy.

I encourage everyone to buy BTE's new CD, Before the Robots asap. While Closer, will probably remain my favorite of BTE's discs, the new one is right up in the rankings. I haven't listen to it enough yet to decide if it'll pull ahead of Closer.

Friday, June 10, 2005



I just watched Goodfellas for the first time. It was pretty good, however, nothing compares to the Godfather. I don't know why everyone likes the second one better? It won more Oscars and people say it's the best sequal of all time. I disagree because I think Empire is the best sequal with Two Towers as a close second.
Anyways, I love ganster movies. I love ganster books. I've read alot of Mario Puzo's stuff, but I have also read some "true" stories about both Italian and Irish mobs. I don't know how I became obsessed with mob movies, but I'm sure it has strong ties with Godfather. I mean, Sonny Corleone walks like a badass and Al Pacino was hot in that movie.
On a second note, why does Joe Pesci have to say the f-word so much. I have nothing against the word per se, but seriously, it's everyother word. I think the word, any swear word for that matter, loses some of its meaning when said too often.

Thursday, June 09, 2005


Chillin' at the Holiday Inn

So I have decided that polygamy is too limiting. Instead, I have created the hotel. There are multiple floors with different types of people on each one. For example, floors 2 & 3 are the people that are really hot and who I'd like to have sex with. Such as Orlando Bloom, Matt Damon and Pacey Whitter. Those would also be divided into people I'd just like to see naked and people that I would also go out to dinner with.
The 4th floor is for people that I'm not interested in seeing naked, but who I think would be awesome people to hang out with. People like John Stewart and Stephen King. Then there's the floor with the hot married people who I'd want to keep together, but sometimes they're just too hot not to put in the hotel. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston owed that floor until the divorce. It's currently looking for leaders with Tim McGraw and Faith Hill as the front runners. Britney and Kfed are not on the guest list.
There is also the hot girl floor, where my cross-over, Jennifer Nettles, resides. There is the athlete floor, the actor floor, the random hot guy floor, the singer floor. This way I can pick and chose who I'd like to talk, eat, sleep with everyday.
It also allows for flexibility. Say for example that Orlando is filming a movie and is not available. I can simply go down the hall and find a suitable replacement for the evening or until he returns. I figure this arrangement works well for everyone involved. I also give out guess passes so stay off my shit-list.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005


Dog Days of Summer

I have a dog. Her name's Layla and I wouldn't trade her for anything. However, sometimes she gets on my last damn nerve. For example, lately she has decided that under the porch is a good place to explore.

My backyard isn't very big and she has to go on a line because she likes to wander around on streets, swim in algae filled ponds and eat the neighbor's cat's food. And she's not so good with the not running away. She comes back, but she takes her sweet ass time to do so. Anyways, under the porch is filled with lovely, cool mud. Black mud. She's a golden retriever mix so she has long hair. Long hair which likes the mud.

This morning, Layla thought it'd be a good idea to lie in some mud. After my shower, I open the back door to see her nowhere in sight. This means she's under the porch. This also means I must go under the porch because she inevitably tangles the line in the steps. Idiot dog. So she's covered in mud and I have to leave to get to class. I figured I'd just put her in the bathroom since I'd only be gone 2 hours and clean her when I got home. She was not up for that plan. She ran around the house, feet covered in mud and refused to go in the bathroom. I didn't have time to argue with her so I just let her stay in the house.

There is a dog print on the carpet in the family room. It's like someone drew a chalk outline, which might happen soon if the stain doesn't come out.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005


Family Feud

I love games. Board games, game shows, trivia, I love it all. Except Risk. Family feud is one of my favorites, possibly because I'm awesome at Fast Money. I so wanted to go to LA and be on the show, but lack of cash and time has ended that dream as of yet. The family part I've got in spades, however. I think that'd be the hardest part of being on the show. I have so many family members that would be great. maybe we could have a real family feud and have 2 teams go against each other- like parents and kids. Hmm, I'm calling Richard now.
I love it when a family has 4 smart people and one dumb one who says stuff like "operator" when asked what's in a operating room (seriously, someone said that). The part that confuses me is why, why do they always send the dumb one to fast money? I'd be so pissed at the person who blew it. If the first person can get 100 points, the second person needs to pull their weight and win.
Which brings me to the point of this entry- who writes/judges on the feud? Sometimes the fast money questions are so narrow that only one answer is going to get any points, while other times there are questions that have so many "right" answers that the #1 only gets like 15 points which is BS. Most of the time the questions are fair, but every once and awhile the network screws someone out of $20K. Also, the judges need to work on what's close enough and what's not. I've some some crap answers get points b/c a judge deems it good enough and others that are the same thing get buzzed. All I know is that if I was close and they buzzed me, I'd smack someone. Maybe that'd why I'm never going to be asked to do the show.


Blogger virgin

This is the first time I've ever done something like this so forgive me if it's dumb. I've read blogs everyday for about 3 years and I've finally decided to throw my in 2 cents. We'll see how it goes.

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