Friday, March 10, 2006


Sometimes having a vagina comes in handy

I enjoy being a girl for a variety of reasons. I could do without the cramps and cost of tampons, and I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to try out a penis for a few days (totally jealous about being able to pee in the woods without squatting), but I'm not looking to get a winkie.

Sometimes though being a girl isn't a good thing. Like the one time I went to Jiffy Lube for an oil change and they told me I needed to get my fuel injections cleaned out. I didn't, but when I took it to my usual place for a tune-up, they informed me that not only did my fuel injectors not need to be cleaned, but my car in fact doesn't have fuel injectors.

I wouldn't consider myself a girly girl, but there are a few stereotypical "girl" things that I'm guilty of. Lack of knowledge about cars is one of them. When I buy a car, I look at the color, the seating arrangement, the amount of compartment space and cup holders. I know very little about how an engine works. I call most SUVs Jeeps and can't identify most cars to save my life. When people are like, "Did you see that Blah Blah X234?" I'm like, "the blue one?" I've tried to learn some things, I know the penny test for tires and can actually change them myself (although I never have; I did read the manual to a police officer once while he was changing it). I know where all the tools are. I know how to put a review mirror back on. I can replace my headlights (teehee). I have been in a Napa, an Advanced Auto Parts and the automotive section of Walmart. I can jump a car although it scares the bejesus out of me (did you know you can set the car ON FIRE?). I watch American Chopper. But I can't tell you about horsepower, or belts or anything. And I'm pretty sure it's not because I'm dumb. It just doesn't interest me. I'm sure I could learn how to change my oil, but it's not worth to me to save $20.

On to the actual point. So this week I've been having a lot of car issues. Yesterday I went to the Ford dealer to order a new turn signal. $140. Not including installation. Now this isn't even the real turn signal, it's not a safety light, it's the light that comes on to show you where you're turning. I have been driving without it for 2 years and haven't hit anything nor have I been stopped for it. Stupid car inspection. I did however change a brake light all by myself with a step ladder and a Phillips head. Go me! This is where the vagina came in handy- not as a storage space for screws or anything, but the Ford guy didn't charge me today for installation. True, he might not have charged anyone, but I think it didn't hurt that I look about 12 and am obviously clueless about cars. Plus, I live in a small Southern Baptist town where taking advantage of girls is a short cut to hell. The guy at the inspection place also gave me a slight discount and cleaned off my windshield and reminded me of the ticket price for late inspection ($250).

I've only been pulled for speeding twice, and once the cop was a girl and the other time I actually cried (because I was on my home from my grandpa's funeral and had to take a physics test in the morning and it was the day before my birthday and the jackass cop told me to renew my license tomorrow), but I've never gotten away with "being a girl". I did get only a warning once for having a broken taillight, but they do that to everyone.

I'm not saying that I always enjoy being treated like I don't know what's going on, or having people talk over my head. But sometimes it's useful - you can take advantage of the people who think they're taking advantage of you, or you can roll with it. All I know is that being a girl saved me about $40 today, and I'm all good with that.

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