Friday, September 08, 2006


Sad, happy, then sad again

These last few weeks have brought a lot of fairly large changes.
2 Fridays ago, I found out that my mom needed to put my dog to sleep. She had basically lost the use of her back two legs and couldn't stand. But she acted happy, as she always did. Teak was a problem dog from the start. She had a horrible flea problem when we got her, and the breeders had dipped her, probably at too young of an age. She developed a large bump on her head which was filled with fluid and the vet recommended we put her down before her first birthday. We didn't.

When she was maybe 2, she got a fish hook stuck in her hair. My mom attempted to cut it out and inadvertently cut some skin. We thought she had cut off a nipple and called doggie 911 to see if we needed to do anything. The lady on the phone had no idea what to do when I said, "we cut off our dog's nipple". Luckily it wasn't a nipple and she was ok. She then had complications after she was spayed and needed emergency vet care. Then she had severe ear infections that basically were always there and later caused seizures. She has always been a happy, yet stupid dog. She loved food and, before she went deaf, could hear the refrigerator door open from any room in the house. She's never bit anyone and smiled at people in the way dogs do. She will be missed.

Late that same day, I got a call saying that my friends S&D had their baby that morning. I was so happy for them. He's a cute kid too. But it brought about this bizarre feeling in me like I had failed at something. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I always figured I'd get married and have kids right out of college. I always thought by the time I was 25, I'd have a kid. Obviously I don't and I'm close to 27 (Good Lord). It's like I feel stretched or something. I want to move forward but I'm firmly attached to the past and what I think I want and the 2 are meshing right. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's where I'm at.

Earlier this week, I got a call saying that my grandmother (well technically my step-grandmother, as my first one died when I was 5 from a bacterial flu) was in the hospital because she had a mass in her left lung and a small one behind her eye. They were doing tests and hopefully everything was going to be ok. This was not good because my Pop-Pop is still not fully recovered from his brain surgery last Thanksgiving.

Today, less than an hour ago, I got a call that has thrown me for a loop. Peg has an aggressive strain of cancer and the doctor gave her 6 weeks. I don't even know how to handle that. In less than a year, my grandparents have gone from feisty, loud drinkers to a man who can't remember all his grandkids' names and a woman who might be dead in a month. There's that cliche that life moves pretty fast and it's kicking me in the ass. I am not ready to let Peggy go. My cousins and I were planning on making a video of my grandparents arguing with each other because it's funny to watch. We never got around to it and now I don't know if I will ever see them again, sitting in their chairs, Peg with a glass of wine in one hand and knitting needles in the other and Pop with his scotch and a gun magazine talking over each other about chicken, or John Wayne movies, or anything else. It's too soon. I'm just numb.

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