Thursday, June 03, 2010
Thoughts
Sorry I've been away for so long. I went home, then to MD, then back to NC and now on to VA and DE. It's crazy I tell you. But also, it's been hot and humid and my computer has been randomly turning itself off (I think it's overheating and I need to get one of those cooling pad things), so that equals lack of posts. I do promise to try better. I think of things to say when I am away from the computer, then as soon as I sit in front of it, my mind goes blank.
I've been reading Kristen Hannah lately. I think I mentioned "True Colors" in an earlier post, and I've read 3 others since and have enjoyed them all. The latest one was called "Distant Shores" and while I didn't like it as much as some of the others, there was a quote that really spoke to me:
"Maybe it was a weakness in her, a fear of failure that made safety seem more important than fulfillment."
I think that's me. I am afraid to do some things because of a lack of security. I'm talking about big stuff - like moving without having a job because I already have an apartment here and what happens if I move and then get a job somewhere else; or putting myself out there on e-harmony because what if I find someone and they break my heart; or dropping everything and backpacking across Europe with the remaining $1k that I have instead of trying to be responsible. Things like that.
I've always held back from taking a really big leap-frog jump. Not so much because I'm scared of the jump itself, but more so the landing and what comes after. I've always been a planner, the person with the mom-van who has wet-naps and coozies and chapstick and an emergency $1, the one who reminds people of stuff they should know already. I don't regret being that person, and I'm comfortable with it, but I think I might have missed out on something that might have changed my life because of it.
I've been reading Kristen Hannah lately. I think I mentioned "True Colors" in an earlier post, and I've read 3 others since and have enjoyed them all. The latest one was called "Distant Shores" and while I didn't like it as much as some of the others, there was a quote that really spoke to me:
"Maybe it was a weakness in her, a fear of failure that made safety seem more important than fulfillment."
I think that's me. I am afraid to do some things because of a lack of security. I'm talking about big stuff - like moving without having a job because I already have an apartment here and what happens if I move and then get a job somewhere else; or putting myself out there on e-harmony because what if I find someone and they break my heart; or dropping everything and backpacking across Europe with the remaining $1k that I have instead of trying to be responsible. Things like that.
I've always held back from taking a really big leap-frog jump. Not so much because I'm scared of the jump itself, but more so the landing and what comes after. I've always been a planner, the person with the mom-van who has wet-naps and coozies and chapstick and an emergency $1, the one who reminds people of stuff they should know already. I don't regret being that person, and I'm comfortable with it, but I think I might have missed out on something that might have changed my life because of it.
# posted by rjhackman @ 11:27 PM 
